Babblings and Bumbles

I really should blog more often. Not that I have a life that matters or that I even had time this semester.

To be honest, I barely had any free time for anything this fall semester. I had no motivation to take photos on my own time or anything. And lately, all I've wanted to do is sleep. I slept through a lot of finals week and pushed studying for finals and working on projects until the last minute. My boyfriend actually asked me if I might be depressed. I told him no, but I'm not really sure what I think.

I kind of think this semester just wore me out. I have this underlying drive to go out and do something, but I don't know what, yet I sleep half the day away and sit on my butt playing computer games. That's basically what my break has been comprised of so far. I have a lot I want to accomplish over the break but no real motivation to do it for some reason. Maybe I am depressed, but I hate thinking that. I already consider myself an acute hypochondriac, and my sister suffers from depression so I hate to feel I might have the same issues. And I especially don't want my parents knowing if I am.

Everything's so frustrating right now. I have a semester left of school and I'm left trying to figure out now what I want to do when I graduate. My options are as follows, 1.) Move back home with parents, 2.) Find a job at home and move into an apartment with my sister, 3.) Go to grad school, and 4.) Work my butt off and through a million complications to open an art supply store in my college town.

Option four is what I really want, but I'm not sure if it's really going to work out for me. And the more I think about it, the more I wonder if it's meant to be with me and my boyfriend. Take the following example for instance:

I started some internship work on Thursday at a wedding reception. I looked at how beautiful and happy the couple was. I thought about how much I wanted that for myself. I kept trying to envision my boyfriend proposing or us together like that at our wedding reception. I don't think I thought about him and I as much as I did about just me being happy with someone. When I got home and talked to him, I wanted to tell him how I felt, but after a few minutes, that happy feeling subsided and I didn't even want to discuss it with him let alone tease him about proposing. I can't imagine my life without him, but I'm starting to wonder if I can imagine the rest of my life with him.

Sorry this turned out more about my boyfriend issues, but I'll try my best to update more often.