Cool things

Decided to visit a local church's garage sale today. Found a couple of neat things like a bamboo steamer for a $1 and a really lovely candle holder for $1.

Then I came across this beauty.





















They wanted $75 originally. They were packing everything up and after much bargaining I paid $25 for this lovely record/CD/cassette/radio player combo. Got home and checked everything out. The CD player is the only thing that doesn't work. Figures. lol. I'm hoping to find someone to help me with that. I'm super excited that the record player works; it plays 78s and 45s! :)

Also, got to talk to the boyfriend yesterday on his way home for the weekend. Turns out he found someone who works for the Physical Plant and is going to recommend him for that custodial job I was trying to help him out with. He just has to come in on Monday and apply in person. I'm super excited for him. I really hope he gets this, he needs it.
I'm supposed to be headed that way to school in about a week and a half. I'll finally get to see him! I miss him a lot. I really hope if he does get that job that he'll still be able to come to my friend's wedding with me. I'm crossing my fingers. :]

Temple Symbolism

Last night I ran across a blog for "Mormon Boy". I discovered he was an excommunicated LDS because of his open homosexuality. He no longer believes the church is true and was openly mocking all that goes on inside the temple. He was going to publish all this in a book.
I was hurt and confused, even by the things he said that did happen in the temple. I was unsure and decided to search more on the temple. I found a forum of ex-Mormons who were talking about the temple. I was even more confused and nervous about what people were saying really happened in the temple. After reading their words, why in the world would I ever feel comfortable going though a wedding or take out my endowments in the temple.

I prayed before bed. I was hurt, confused, and feeling uncomfortable. I asked Heavenly Father to give me comfort, to help me understand.
This morning I googled "preparing to enter the temple" and found this talk. Maybe a fourth of the way in did I really find what I needed.

"Before going to the temple for the first time, or even after many times, it may help you to realize that the teaching of the temples is done in symbolic fashion. The Lord, the Master Teacher, gave much of His instruction in this way...

"We live in a world of symbols. We know nothing, except by symbols. We make a few marks on a sheet of paper, and we say that they form a word, which stands for love, or hate, or charity, or God or eternity. The marks may not be very beautiful to the eye. No one finds fault with the symbols on the pages of a book because they are not as mighty in their own beauty as the things which they represent. We do not quarrel with the symbol G-o-d because it is not very beautiful, yet represents the majesty of God. We are glad to have symbols, if only the meaning of the symbols is brought home to us...

"We live in a world of symbols. No man or woman can come out of the temple endowed as he should be, unless he has seen, beyond the symbol, the mighty realities for which the symbols stand. (“Temple Worship,” page 62.)"

It was this that really struck me. I belong to a sorority where we have our own ritual. Things are done in private and are sacred to us. Many of the things that happen during our ritual are symbolic. Our founders left it open to interpretation to each and every member, past, present, and future. No one knows if there was a specific meaning meant to come out of it, but each member interprets it their own way and it means something different to each and every one of us.

I relate this to the temple. I know I haven't been through but after reading about it I feel that I can relate the two. Things that go on in the temple are sacred, too. Things in the temple are all symbolic. No one know exactly what is meant of them but we interpret to an understanding that we can relate to personally. If we aren't prepared to enter the temple and look at the things that go on as symbols then we aren't getting what we need from the temple.

The people and their experiences that I read about were not prepared to enter the temple. They looked at everything too literal. We have to prepare ourselves to look beyond what is really happening to see the symbolism that will direct our lives.

I'm glad that Heavenly Father listens to me and can answer my prayers. This definitely brought my mind to ease. I'm glad that he tests me. I could have easily stopped reading that talk (it's ridiculously long) before reaching what would really touch me. I'm thankful for my Heavenly Father and all that he does for me.

Happy Face

I feel like life is almost perfect right now. Very surreal and kind of weird, especially knowing I have a lot to do physically/temporally and spiritually right now. I've been feeling quite amazing lately! I'm not entirely sure why, but I have much more energy and actually feel like accomplishing more. It's like fasting for my boyfriend did more for me.

I decided rather randomly that I was going to make mint brownies last night so I googled some recipes and started on them after everyone went to bed. While waiting for the brownies to cool, I finally got around to painting my toe nails. I cleaned some of my junk in the living room so my mom could maybe nag me less about my college mess. I finished my brownies and went to bed.

Got up a bit late this morning but still went out for a jog/run. This was like the first time I've ever purposely went out and ran, so I didn't get too far before having to walk, but I was still proud of myself. Unfortunately, I had to fight back the urge to throw up the rest of the way home. lol. My heart was racing, my head was pounding, but it felt great! I went outside to tan for a while since this was first time in a while that we've actually had sun. While tanning in the backyard I painted my finger nails! Whoo!

I've ordered some super adorable clothes recently, too!

And my childhood best friend's wedding reception is coming up and I messaged her about a place to stay for me and my boyfriend. She was super bubbly and excited and was totally willing to help me out. I know we may not still be absolute best friends, but she's still amazing and a wonderful woman. I'll always love her. She even said bye in our old little language. It was nice.

Life just seems pretty fantastic right now, well, besides the whole boyfriend part right now. Hopefully that'll all get sorted out soon. I hope my days keep getting better. :]

Sad Face

I figured I'd split posts about the last two days into two posts so it won't be so long to read.

I had a bit of a breakdown about the boyfriend yesterday. So we'll start with the bad and work our way to the good.

I managed to find a brand spankin' new job posting for the school and quickly informed him about it via text. He replies by asking me to fill it out for him and I happily obliged. I did not realize all the info I would really need from him so I just called. He was barely listening to me even after asking him several times to give me one of his reference's numbers. It very well could have been all the storms interfering with reception but I was still very frustrated. He eventually called me back and said he would just fill it out the next day. I still don't know if he did, I hope he did.

But this kind of attitude is really starting to bother me. "Oh, I'll just do it tomorrow" kind of attitude. He needs a job. Putting it off until tomorrow is not helping. He passes up even small jobs with the excuse that it won't give him enough hours. Then just get another job along with it! A job is a job and money is money. If he has a job, even if it's not covering everything, it'll be a lot easier for others to want to help him out and he could probably cover up that last little bit of money he owes a lot easier. It's all very frustrating. Especially knowing that I've lent him $100 already to cover his bills from last month and now I'm left paying the entire TV bill, that I'm not even watching until July.

I've pestered him a lot about saving more money and setting a budget. He kept telling me he would, but I just kept seeing him go off and splurge on some new video game or what not. I would be fine with this if it was like a $20 game every paycheck, but he was spending like $70+ every paycheck on movies, games, etc. He could have saved that money for a crisis like now.

I understand being upset over losing your job and having the trouble of finding a new one, especially in a college town, but I wish he would try his best to take care of the rest of his life. The last time I visited, only a week after being gone from school, his apartment was already a pit, worse than I've ever seen it. I'm left wondering if this is just him being a bachelor or just him, especially after feeling like I was the one always cleaning the place before.

All of these attitudes and behaviors I've seen from him have left me wondering if this is somone I really want to marry. I'm worried that I'll be the one left having to work all the time. Not that I have an issue with being the one who brings the income, but I don't want to feel like I have to be the one to always work. I'm afraid that I'll be the one always having to clean because he'll be too lazy to remember or care until last minute. And I'm definitely scared about money and budgeting.

I talked with my sister about how I could get him to clean more. I mean, if I set up a schedule for cleaning between the two of us for his apartment, how do I enforce it? As my sister suggested, I could tell him that if he doesn't do his share for the day or the week that I'll just stay at my own place without him.

It's just frustrating feeling like I have to discipline him or something. I hate feeling like I'm taking care of a child.

Maybe this is just a phase and it'll pass soon, or maybe I'll figure out soon that he's not the one I'm supposed to marry. Either way I hope everything works out.

YSA Dinner

So church was actually really great today. I decided this morning that I would fast for my boyfriend to find a job. He's been unemployed for a while now and he's desperately looking. It's rough nowadays. I get tired of my parents automatically jumping to the TV on Sunday mornings and it definitely takes away from the spirit in preparing for church, so I put in an old EFY CD and let it burn to my iTunes as I took a shower. Finished getting ready and listened to some nice music and read a general authority's talk on repentance. I tried my hardest to listen to the speakers and lessons today. I will admit, Gospel Doctrine and Relief Society was still slow and rather draining, but overall I feel like I listened a lot better and felt much happier about myself and being there. Well, besides literally freezing...

There was YSA dinner tonight for our stake about an hour away at the stake YSA leader's home. To start off, my sister was trying to figure out  if she should go or not because she has to work like an extra 2 hours every day this week to get off Thursday for our niece's high school graduation and she's also deathly allergic to cats and didn't know if the family had pets. She ended up going. Well, a new girl, Jessica* has joined the area for the summer because of an internship for school. We ended up carpooling with two boys from the other wards and Jessica. O.M.G. This girl does not shut. up. First she calls dibs for the middle back seat. Then the entire car ride she leans forward to talk to the boys, asking what they do, how old they are, etc. and rarely speaking or addressing my sister or myself. They all announce their age. All 19. I look at my sister, widen my eyes, and let out a silent groan. So young! But geez Jessica, it was obvious what she was doing, seemed overly pushy to me, but maybe guys are into that.

Everyone else in the car didn't know the family we were visiting, but my sister and I did. Our family's have a long history together. lol. Upon entering the home we are greeted with a very boisterous, "It's the Morrow sisters!" from many people in the room. After really scanning the room I realize I know a good majority of those present. Met up with an old friend I hadn't seen in almost two years. Quite exciting actually. Everyone gathers downstairs after dinner to play a game. What game? Oh... BoM/Bible charades. No not events, but people, like Sariah, Rachel, Aaron, and Mary. UGH. Who knows these well enough to guess them from acting them out? Terrible. Get dessert after and more time to just chat. And that was pretty much it for the evening. Definitely not a good chance to really mingle with others. Hopefully I can get to the YSA conference and actually meet some new people (hopefully guys [: ).

Overall rather blah kind of YSA event and I'm left feeling even older as I learn about more people who are my age and younger who are now married or even with kids. Ridiculous.


*Name has been changed for privacy

Growing up as a Mormon

So I'm starting to realize that I was uber sheltered as a child (and still seems that my parents try to shelter me), even for someone raised LDS.

Another kid told me my first curse word (the F word) in 5th grade, and even then I still didn't know what she was talking about.
I didn't even say my first curse word on purpose until I was like 15.
Only until recently, I'm 21 mind you, did my dad stop chastising me about saying the words "crap" and "sucks".

My parents wouldn't let us watch anything sexual and even "blocked" MTV growing up. I never got "the talk". I pretty much knew what sex was, but I never got any real discussion about sex until 7th grade sex ed class.

Anything caffeinated was/is taboo in our household. My mother throws a fit just knowing there's a caffeinated coke in her house. She tries to act like it's a commandment that we don't drink caffeine and I've called her out on it several times about how it's not actually against our religion or anything and there was even an apostle or prophet or something who drank a Mountain Dew to prove a point about this. She just completely ignores me.

I started wearing shorter shorts and skirts around age 15 and my mother about had a heart attack. Jeez. My skirts and shorts were still past my fingertips. She had the same feeling about anything sleeveless I wore, even if the straps were the width of my hand.

Heaven forbid I ever wear anything except a full one piece swimsuit. I thought I killed her when I bought a two piece for tanning.

Pretty sure I would kill her if I came straight out and told her everything I do or have done.

It just seems that I keep finding more and more people who were raised in the church but obviously raised completely different. I hope that I never shelter my children as much as I was sheltered...

Education Connection... say what?

Anyone else concerned with the fact that it took so long for another Education Connection commercial to come out?
Anyone else more concerned with the fact that the song seems worse than the original?
Anyone else even more concerned that they're advertising Education Connection on each commercial but different website addresses on them?

How do I know where I'm supposed to go!? Seriously though. Their commercials are obnoxious. There is an educationconnection.com, not sure if it's owned by them or not, but if not, why didn't they just change the title of their commercials or whatever?

*sigh*

Worst Near-Dating Experience

I've been reading a lot of Confessions from a Mormon Bachelor Pad and started thinking about bad dates. I remembered this guy that I had completely forgotten about. Literally, I forgot all about him. I guess it was so horrific I've tried my best to block the entire situation from my mind.



So I went through this phase last year of trying to find LDS guys through eHarmony. Probably one of the worst things EVER. I found this guy, we'll call him Joe, who seemed decent. Taking advantage of the free eHarmony weekend I contacted him and we sent some emails back and forth.

The first email he sent me was just him talking about how he asks "extreme" questions to find out if he clicks with someone. Some of the questions were as follows:

"What would you do if a bear came up to you and we were together in the forest?
If Mickey Mouse got sick and they couldn't find a cure, would they put him in suspended animation?
If you were to setup a dinner before I showed up, what would you cook?
If evolution really works, then how come mother's only have two arms?
If you could change something about yourself, what would it be & why?
Do you know the muffin man?"

They were cute and kind of funny so I continued. I replied to his answers and asked some of my own. The answers I got back were good and to me seemed like a great guy, but then he went on this weird rambling rant I could barely follow. It made just about as much sense as a fat kid eating a salad.

He asked some more questions and this is literally the end of the email:

"What is your decorating style?
What is your favorite household chore? Least?
How much gaming do you actually do?
Are a clean freak, a messy person? Or somewhere in between?

Catch you later hun. "

Ugh. "Hun". Cute term of endearment... if you plan to stay in the friend zone. I've just had too many close guy friends call me "hun" to ever really associatie it with an actual love interest.
But ugh... I continued...

I asked some more questions and here was the beginning of his reply:

"GIRL, you totally involuntarily made my day. hahahahaha.... you get to laugh at this email because you TOTALLY asked the exact questions scam artists and identity thief's ask! hahahaaaa.... I know you sincerely didn't try to, but it still kind of happened. I don't think i've had this much fun filling out an email like this in a long time. I think the main thing that made it so fun was knowing the innocence of your attempt and what you were really driving at. oyyyyyyyyyyyyyy............................... You should totally text me"

And gave me his number. This email gets worse. He continued to make fun of me for my innocent mistake of asking him "scam artist" questions. I felt kind of humiliated.
Here's what pretty much ruined any chance he had of seriously dating me. The question in parenthesis was one of my questions to him. His reply:

"(If you had a son, would you let him play with barbies if he wanted to? Likewise, would you let your daughter play football if she wanted to?)

Well hopefully my daughter doesn't have testosterone pumping through her veins when she's playing it. And if I found my son playing with barbie dolls, he better be ripping the heads off, other wise I'll IMMEDIATELY get him into counseling instead of making the mistake many foolish parents now days make that contributes to feminism which ultimately plants seeds for gayism. Even if that wasn't the case, it could still get other kids my boys age to think of him as being gay (or as they say a "sissy") and then my son would have to deal with rejection which leads to ALL kinds of social problems which leads to emotional and mental problems. There's parent manuals on what to do in case of an unusual situation like that. I wouldn't care if my son played with barbie dolls, just as long as he responded to it in a normal male manner. If he plays with girls, and acts a little fruity, that's because well..... he's in front of a girl. I guess that would be normal."

Um... What? Really? "Gayism"? Lord. Do I have to explain what's so terrible about all this? Ugh. I just really hate terrible opinionated people like this.

I can't help but wonder what the hell I was thinking that I would even entertain the idea of texting him after this, but I did...

We texted for a while and he ended up calling me a couple of times. Our conversations were always akward. They were generally about him and he would try to make me laugh with akward jokes that really weren't so funny but I'd force myself to laugh sometimes out of pity.
After a while I just stopped texting him hoping he'd get the picture that I just didn't want anything to do with him. He eventually stopped texting and I didn't hear from him for a while. I'd literally forgotten about him when he texted me around Christmas time about how he was going to send me a gift. It was weird and akward and I never replied.

I wonder what he's doing now....

Ok not really. Lol

Just Me

So I'm starting fresh... AGAIN.
I started this other blog http://notsoperfectmormon.blogspot.com/ as Jackie M., but me, being the retarded self that I am forgot the email I created to manage the blog so here I am starting over.

I don't plan on revealing my name at any point so I'm going by Justine. This time, I'm not blogging about any one specific problem or issue or whatnot. This time, I'm blogging about me, just me, and pretty much anything I do and how I feel.

You may ridicule me for the things I say or the way I say them, but it's my thought process and I live and work through life. Learn to deal. It's just me here, Justine.

--------------

So, today. Honestly nothing really happened. Trying to clean out my room and nip this hoarding issue I have in the bud. Spent an hour scanning pictures and writings, and still got no where in my giant stack of papers. I'm such a tangible person, I need to touch and feel things, so this is really hard letting go of these things, even if I am scanning them to keep digital files. I'm sure I'll get over it, at least I hope so.

Did some nerdy things, tried to "hack" my own computer files to find saved passwords hoping I could return to my old blog, but to no avail.

So I know I'm not a big fan of county music and/or Taylor Swift, I feel that her songs are too similar overall, but I'm totes(I've been wanting to use that words all day, lol) digging her song 'Mean'. Great song! I really love it.

I'm hoping to get enough courage to get out and drive tomorrow or something. Sorry all, I don't have a license. I'm scared to drive! Yes, I'm 21 without a driver's license. I'm working on it.

Sorry for my jumbled train of thought and boring life today. It'll get better, at least I hope. :\


Kthnxbai. <3
Justine