Sad Face

I figured I'd split posts about the last two days into two posts so it won't be so long to read.

I had a bit of a breakdown about the boyfriend yesterday. So we'll start with the bad and work our way to the good.

I managed to find a brand spankin' new job posting for the school and quickly informed him about it via text. He replies by asking me to fill it out for him and I happily obliged. I did not realize all the info I would really need from him so I just called. He was barely listening to me even after asking him several times to give me one of his reference's numbers. It very well could have been all the storms interfering with reception but I was still very frustrated. He eventually called me back and said he would just fill it out the next day. I still don't know if he did, I hope he did.

But this kind of attitude is really starting to bother me. "Oh, I'll just do it tomorrow" kind of attitude. He needs a job. Putting it off until tomorrow is not helping. He passes up even small jobs with the excuse that it won't give him enough hours. Then just get another job along with it! A job is a job and money is money. If he has a job, even if it's not covering everything, it'll be a lot easier for others to want to help him out and he could probably cover up that last little bit of money he owes a lot easier. It's all very frustrating. Especially knowing that I've lent him $100 already to cover his bills from last month and now I'm left paying the entire TV bill, that I'm not even watching until July.

I've pestered him a lot about saving more money and setting a budget. He kept telling me he would, but I just kept seeing him go off and splurge on some new video game or what not. I would be fine with this if it was like a $20 game every paycheck, but he was spending like $70+ every paycheck on movies, games, etc. He could have saved that money for a crisis like now.

I understand being upset over losing your job and having the trouble of finding a new one, especially in a college town, but I wish he would try his best to take care of the rest of his life. The last time I visited, only a week after being gone from school, his apartment was already a pit, worse than I've ever seen it. I'm left wondering if this is just him being a bachelor or just him, especially after feeling like I was the one always cleaning the place before.

All of these attitudes and behaviors I've seen from him have left me wondering if this is somone I really want to marry. I'm worried that I'll be the one left having to work all the time. Not that I have an issue with being the one who brings the income, but I don't want to feel like I have to be the one to always work. I'm afraid that I'll be the one always having to clean because he'll be too lazy to remember or care until last minute. And I'm definitely scared about money and budgeting.

I talked with my sister about how I could get him to clean more. I mean, if I set up a schedule for cleaning between the two of us for his apartment, how do I enforce it? As my sister suggested, I could tell him that if he doesn't do his share for the day or the week that I'll just stay at my own place without him.

It's just frustrating feeling like I have to discipline him or something. I hate feeling like I'm taking care of a child.

Maybe this is just a phase and it'll pass soon, or maybe I'll figure out soon that he's not the one I'm supposed to marry. Either way I hope everything works out.