Blogging

I recently started thinking more about the idea of blogging. The average blogger only blogs for themselves, friends, and/or family. So why is it that so many others out there that stumble across a blog they don't care for continue to read it and then complain to everyone else why they don't like it? It's not your blog, so if you don't like it, don't read it. And why is it necessary to tell everyone else on the internet not to read it? Not sure why it matters, that blogger is more than likely going to continue to blog anyway. It's not like they're using valuable interwebz space. It's a different story if a blogger is writing for a company or business and is not giving correct information. But when someone is a personal blogger, it really doesn't matter. The internet doesn't matter! Get over it! Blargh. /end rant

Here's a picture of a hedgehog swimming.

Neglect

I feel bad that almost everything I post about my boyfriend is negative, which this will be another one. But maybe I just don't have that much positive anymore from our relationship.

I've been feeling really neglected lately by him. I work all day, typically much longer than him. Sometimes when I come home I just want to relax and cuddle with him, but he just seems distant and doesn't really care. I'm starting to see how he felt this past year about how I'm sure I treated him. I'm sure I deserve some of this, but I'm really upset over the last couple of days.

I've been telling the boyfriend since mid-week last week that I wanted to go watch the Perseids Meteor Shower this past weekend. I reminded him several times the day of as well. I told him I'd take a nap and we could leave at midnight, since I had to be up for work Monday morning. When I woke up, there were several other friends of his over (mind you, we were at his apartment). Boyfriend told me we probably wouldn't see much because of the storm that had come through. I was disappointed. I went outside anyway. Turns out I could see like 80% of the sky still. I layed in the parking lot and saw just one meteor. I went back in to see if we could still go. He said he didn't really want to drive out on wet roads, which weren't very wet, or get caught in the storm, which the storm had already completely passed. I was upset and hurt that I he had told me before that we would go and now he was telling me no.

Then the next night I went over to his place to hang out and we sat outside with one of our friends for a while to wait for another friend. I brought up the meteor shower and he responded with an apology about how he didn't expect us to have company that night when we did. That was not an excuse he brought up the night before and when I called him on it, he ignored me and continued in a conversation with our friend. I was even more mad that he was now ignoring me about something that had been so important to me. I was just so frustrated that I felt like he was just making up excuses so he could hang out with his other friends and not me. He did something very similar with the solar eclipse a few months ago, and that also was really important to me that he blew me off.

I'm just so tired of feeling like anything that's important to me is less important than what he wants to do. It's just rude and annoying and I feel like I get taken advantage of a lot by him. I'm tired of him inviting me to hang out and then basically ignoring me or sending me off to do my own thing because I don't want to play Magic with him and his friends when he already knows it.

I'm just tired of feeling like I'm in a relationship that doesn't matter.

Wednesday Whatever - Hedgehog

I don't think I've mentioned the latest addition to my family, Nova the hedgehog! The boyfriend and I were discussing pets one day and were listing off different animals. I was like, "Oh hey! What about a hedgehog?" and he was all like, "OMG! Yes!"

So I randomly decided to check Craigslist, and sure enough, someone was selling their four month old hedgehog! We met up one day in a nearby city and made the exchange, like a drug deal going on right in front of a gas station. The lady who was selling him was selling the hedgehog and their parrot so that her daughter could get a pet pig. Sounds to me like this daughter is a bit spoiled. Maybe not if the daughter had to give up two other pets. *shrug* She told me that her daughter named him Casanova because he was born on Valentine's Day. It was cute, but way cliche so the boyfriend and I just call him Nova.

I have plenty of crazy stories about him. For something so small, he's quite the trouble maker.

One time we let him out to play around the living room. He found his way under an arm chair. Our furniture doesn't have netting under them. There's a ledge just at the base of the chair that he climbed on and I figured he'd be alright. Next thing I know he's climbed all the way up into the top of the arm of the chair. The boyfriend and I are left with lifting up the chair so that he can pull Nova out of the chair. It's safe to say I have now "hedgie-proofed" that arm chair with duct tape.

Lately he's been having wild parties at night without me. The other day, I found him sleeping in his food bowl, see picture below:

About twenty minutes later, I hear him munching away. lol

Yesterday morning, I woke up to find his "cage" (his cage is just a rather large plastic tub) completely trashed. I couldn't find his bowl (which is some pretty thick/heavy glass) until I realized it was on the far side of his wheel hidden in the bedding. All the food had been dumped out. His water bottle was completely out of the hooks that support it and it was laying in the bedding. His pringles can tube was halfway across his cage as well. I just. I don't even.

Enjoy some more pictures of my havoc wreaking hedgie, though!

Isn't he just adorable!?

He LOVES to run. He'll literally run for hours on this thing, he get's pretty fast, too.

He's ran so much/fast that he's literally knocked the wheel off of the stand.

He's just so cute! :D

But really a big trouble maker. :P

-Justine

Friends?

I know I need to post something, but I can't think of anything worthwhile. I should probably look up some writing/journal prompts to start using. Any suggestions?

The job has been getting better and I'm feeling a lot less overwhelmed. I still have things pop up that drive me crazy though. My coworkers are quite hilarious though and I especially love the new dean. I'm going to miss our ice cream get-togethers now that regular hours are back.

I've been helping my boyfriend move to his new apartment. I feel terrible realizing that a majority of his closet was my stuff though. Oops.

I'm getting into this weird slump again though, maybe because of work now. I just feel like I'm not doing anything productive, which I'm really not, but I can't think of anything to really do with myself.
I feel sorry for myself because I really don't have many friends here. I have people I talk to and hang out with on occasion, but I don't really have anyone here that I find myself going out of my way to contact and go do things with and talk seriously about what going on in our lives.
 I joined a sorority and hoped that I'd get lasting friendships from that, but I'm quickly realizing nothing really lasted from that. People I thought I was once close to are no longer here or I've realized we were never really close. It makes me feel even more like a loser.
Most of all my time is spent with my boyfriend. He's the only person I talk to and hang out with on a regular basis. I really do feel like a loner. Ugh, I have no life. I wish there were more clubs/organizations and activities around here that interested me. I want to get involved with something, but it's hard when everything is geared towards the college students. I'm such an introvert. Why must it be so hard to find good friends?

-Justine

What Could

Really though, I hate that everything reminds me of him...

Here I am just trying to set a wake up playlist and I run across OUR song. He went too early and I hate it. I'm constantly left wondering what it would be like if he was still here. I kind of miss our relationship. I wonder if things could have been different between us. I still have the promise ring he gave me.

It's hard and I wish it didn't happen. I wonder if anyone realizes how I've really been feeling since I found out. I have a lot of good things going for me right now, but I'm still hurt and I miss him.

I want him here to crack jokes and comfort me...

Wednesday Whatever

Since my posts have been pretty boring, what with no pictures and all, I decided I'd entertain you with some of my instagram work photos.

My predecessor wrote notes for a lot of work stuff, but also left fun doodles like this.

My first day was spent mostly with two books, this book here, and facebook.

My typical breakfast, the breakfast of champions.

I had some more photos, but I realized they had my real name/address in them, but I do have my own business cards! :D

-Justine

Adjusting

It's weird having a full time job already. I'll admit I was really not expecting to land a full time job this soon. I was just so dead set on not moving back home after school, that I really didn't care what I got a job doing. I could clean cars and mow lawns if that's what it took to pay the bills. I'm not a proud person.

I wonder sometimes what it would be like still living at home with my parents though. My sister moved back home after her graduation and wasn't able to find work for like three years and has only had her job for over a year now. She's soon to be in her own apartment, but I don't think I could survive that long at home now. I butt heads with my parents too much now and have way too many conflicting views/opinions with my mother. My mom and I are both very stubborn and I think we've both learned when to pick our battles, but things still come up...

It's definitely strange though trying to adjust to working 40 hours and having way less time at home. Not like I had a whole lot of personal free time during school, but it was still more time at home working than now.

I'm worried about this job though and how long I'll last/survive. I have problems with leaving work at work. I always stress about work at home. I really need more planned activities to distract me when I'm away from work. If any of you have ideas on how to leave work at work and not think about it as much, please, feel free to tell me all about your ideas! :D

~Justine

New Job and Messes

So because of the funeral on Monday, I wasn't able to start my job until Tuesday. I didn't get all my paperwork until last week on Thursday since my SS card is in my safety deposit box in my hometown, and they told me it would take five work days for everything to be processed. Also, they can only start a new hire at the beginning of a pay period, which would have been now or in two weeks. Which would have been nice if they told me that sooner so then I could have gone on vacation with my family. Oh well.

Because my paperwork hadn't been completely processed until yesterday, and my supervisor didn't come in yesterday, I've had basically nothing to do. And to top it off, during the summer, campus closes on Fridays so a normal work day is ten hours. I am left with a little under ten hours to make up now... with nothing to do really.

I came in today hoping to rearrange my office. Yes, I have my own office! Unfortunately, with no window. :[
Being tiny has its advantages, but definitely not when it comes to moving furniture. I wanted to move some things around but can't because I just don't have the power to move my massive desk. I already spent what felt like an hour moving a desk down the hallway to my office and then moving another desk out. I smashed my toes several times and almost smashed my fingers. I don't have enough strength and can't get enough momentum to turn the desk right side up in one turn. I'm having to flip it over onto each side to get it back to an upright position.

I also wanted to move some of my shelves down to give some extra room for me to pull folders out. I don't have a screwdriver big enough to unscrew one shelf and the other shelf that's missing screws won't budge anyway. My office hates me. :[

So... basically this week is me cleaning around my office and playing on the interwebz. Too bad this can't be my normal day. lol

Things are going to get hectic real soon here. Uh oh.Wish me luck!


~Justine

Your Voice Still Echos in the Hallway

I sincerely apologize for not updating sooner, for those who actually read this, if anyone. The last two weeks have been pretty rough.

Last Monday, I got a call early in the morning that they were wanting to do a background check for that secretary job I applied for. I was so excited! I had been starting to freak out because they said they would have sent an email the week previous about one if they were interested in me, and I never got anything. About 8 p.m. I got an email that said I had been officially offered the job. After all the stress of trying to find a job, I finally had one, and felt so much better.

About two hours later I got a pretty devastating call from a friend I hadn't talked to in a while.

I found out that my friend/ex-boyfriend passed away just that morning. We dated off and on for four years, my high school sweet heart. He was the first boyfriend I had truly considered marrying, he even gave me a promise ring on our high school graduation day. His death wasn't officially confirmed until a few hours later, but I didn't know it would hurt so bad, or that I still even cared that much. He had been suffering from nocturnal seizures the last couple of years. His family still hadn't received the autopsy report, but they assumed it was another seizure. It's still hard to talk about, even write about. It's still hard to accept that someone so young, someone I had once been so close to, could die. I was so excited about my job, but suddenly so depressed. My family took it just about as hard as me.

I know I had moved on from my relationship with him, but you can't just suddenly stop caring for someone you once had been so attached to. To be honest, he was the only boyfriend I've truly considered a best friend. I didn't want to do anything the rest of the week.

Unfortunately, my boyfriend didn't/doesn't seem to understand how I'm feeling. He kept wanting to go out and do lots of stuff and kept bugging me for sex. I'm sorry, sex does not make me feel better like it does for him. He would act like everything was normal and okay. Just because I'm not crying does not mean I feel great, or even okay. I'd get easily upset (mad, sad, etc.) and I just wanted someone to comfort me. He took all my emotions personally like they were directed at him, which some were, but most of them were just my confusion, anger, and sorrow manifesting whenever they could. I just wanted him to understand and be there for me, and it seemed like more often he just really didn't care. And the more he didn't care, the more I missed my ex and the relationship we had.

I started to think more about what might have happened if we had gotten back together (again). I started to wonder if maybe I should have stayed with him. I was just so lost and hurt. I still kind of am.

His funeral was this past Monday. The man who spoke was the pastor from their church, a place I didn't care much for. He's one of those in-your-face, yelling pastors. His funeral was pretty much just another sermon for this pastor. It made me frustrated. I wanted to hear about Will (that's his name), his life, and what a good person he really was. We didn't get much of that.

His family is pretty religious and they seemed to be accepting his death pretty well. I think I felt the worst for his girlfriend though. Most of us had never met her. She really didn't know anyone. She just stood around awkwardly. I don't think I ever saw her cry, either, not to say she wasn't upset because everyone goes through the mourning process differently. It was just kind of sad to watch her stand there by herself, and I didn't exactly want to introduce myself for the first time at the funeral, especially being the ex he dated the longest.

I'm slowly starting to feel better, but I feel like no matter what, everything reminds me of him. I've never lost anyone this close to me before, besides pets, and I just don't know what to expect from myself.

This post is long enough as is, so I'll post later about my job and all the nothingness I've done.


~Justine

H3LP

I know I don't have a whole lot of followers, but I know I would appreciate those that do find this to help out someone I know from school, a fellow Greek and Graphic Design student.

"Saturday night July 7, 2012 Taron was involved in a horrific life changing accident. While celebrating the marriage of his cousin, he had a commercial grade firework explode into the left side of his face completely destroying it. 

He was life flighted to Saint Francis hospital in Tulsa where they decided they could not provide the care he was going to require. He is now at the OU Medical Center in OKC where he is still in the Trauma ICU in a medically induced coma.
Here he will be undergoing many, many surgeries to reconstruct the entire left side of his face. This process will take several months, several very painful months. We have complete faith in the surgeons abilities to put the pieces back together so we’ll have our gorgeous Taron back again!
This is a group created to help raise money in order to support Taron throughout his numerous surgeries and extremely long recovery process and to keep everyone updated on his progress. The support we have already received from everyone is absolutely unbelievable!!! We cannot stress enough how much it means to us and how thankful we are for each and every one of your thoughts and prayers.

Tarons sister, Lydia Pounds, has set up a PayPal account in his honor for anyone who would like to make a donation to help with this long healing process and future medical expenses. Every donation, $1 to $100 or more will be appreciated!


Instructions to make a donation:

-Go to: www.paypal.com

-Move your pointer over to "Transfer" and click on "Send Someone Money"

-Enter your e-mail in the "From" box

-Enter taronpoundsrecoveryfund@gmail.com in the "To" box

-Click "Continue" and everything else is pretty simple from there."

He's a really great guy and it's terrible what happened. I know their family could use as much help as possible during this time.

To update about myself, walking's getting better. We've managed to make 5 miles in an hour and a half now, we're pretty excited. I'm trying my best to stay away from ridiculous sweets and eat more fruits and veggies.

For the job situation, I still haven't heard anything back from the secretary position. I have been praying that if I don't get the job that it's for a good reason and that something better will come along. Well, maybe it has. My boyfriend's coworker is really good friends with the owner of a local sign shop. Apparently, they're hiring but not advertising the position and my boyfriend's coworker said she would put in a good word for me. Crossing my fingers.

Nothing super entertaining on my end, but I'll try to update with some fashion or recipes soon. And again, please help my friend if at all possible, even a dollar or two will help them out.

Motivation

Having a hard time feeling motivated to do much of anything lately. Lack of motivation especially to update my blog.

I've started a walking routine of sorts with a friend, that I admit I almost decided I didn't want to last night. It was amusing because my friend and I both had the same thought that if we didn't go we would be more tempted to stop altogether. We ended up walking the longest so far! 4.23 miles in an hour and twenty minutes. I am beginning to have issues with my knees after walking though. Maybe I just need better shoes. I am hoping though that eventually we can both build up enough stamina and strength to start jogging/running.

Also, I just graduated in May and I'm having trouble finding a job. I did land an interview for a secretary position at the school. I'm crossing my fingers that I get the job. I think my interview went pretty well. Some of my interviewers knew my grandpa, everyone seemed impressed that I had worked in Housing, and I had some pretty good references, so I'm hoping these all might bump my chances up and put me higher up on the ladder for hiring. I really want this job, even  if it is completely unrelated to my degree, lol.

I've found out a lot more joy in cooking and baking recently which makes me feel better about my future mommy/wife abilities, lol. It doesn't help though having a boyfriend who's a cook for a steakhouse who seems to be constantly judging my cooking abilities. One day, maybe, I'll surpass his abilities. lol.

Looks like I'm more motivated in areas I never was before, but totally not motivated in areas I once was. Maybe things will improve soon.